When I was in middle school, I had this nemesis. His name was Monty Espy. Yes, I said Monty Espy. Recently, when recounting this story to a friend, they remarked, “Seriously? That was his real name? It’s a movie villain’s name if I ever heard one.”
Monty teased me all through middle school and high school. The fourteen-year-old me felt that his presence in my life was unbearable. He knew how to prey on my insecurities, and I would avoid him at all costs. I was, and still am, incredibly insecure and unsure about most things related to my sense of self.
One afternoon in English class, I tried to pass a note to a friend, and Monty intercepted it. I demanded its immediate return, but instead, he would pretend he was going to hand it back to me, only to snatch it back as I reached for it. I fell victim to that trick three times before I realized that he was getting a thrill out of bullying me.
Back then, I used to write terrible poetry about love and teenage angst, so there was no other option than to get that note back by any means necessary. It was a matter of life or social suicide.
Now, I am not proud of it, but his laughter filled me with rage. Much like Anne of Green Gables in this scene, I turned around at my desk, punched him square in the jaw, and then snatched the note back from his clutches. Unlike Anne of Green Gables, no one saw me do it, and he never said a word.
A few years later, I found Monty relentlessly teasing a friend about her looks. It sent me into another rage – a little for her and a little for the younger versions of myself who had to endure that same thing. Instead of comforting her, I went straight up to him and slapped him with an open hand (alá Will Smith at the academy awards). It was between the fifth and sixth periods, and my locker was next to the principal’s office. Everyone saw it, and I knew I was toast—immediate suspension.
The principal called me into the office and sat me down to hear my side of the story. There was no getting out of an admission of guilt, so I made the best of it. I told him what had happened that afternoon, about Monty’s teasing me over the years and how it affected my self-esteem.
After listening to every word, the principal raised his voice and said, “NOW WE ARE GOING TO SIT HERE UNTIL YOU TELL ME THE TRUTH.”
He then whispered, “I’ve wanted to punch Monty Espy in the face since he got here. We are just going to sit here for an acceptable amount of time before I let you go home.”
He then winked at me and let me go free.
